till the next golden dragon

fireworks behind my baby bullet and his papa
vividly, i still remember that first new year with my shining star, bullet. that holiday season 2000, my eight-months old son and i hurried back to the philippines to be with his papa. different, overwhelming feeling filled me. for the first time, i'm going to spend christmas and new year's days with a person who came from my body! tiny he may be, a real person still, who brings hope for the coming days... wonderful..

we went to our family house in laguna and waited to bid the golden dragon year goodbye and to say hello to another golden year ahead.. we had fun watching fireworks and enjoyed eating mommy's "strictly special occassion only cooking".

i just had one lonely thought that year. i missed my brother, nelson, that year--and sadly, this is the fifth christmas and new year's celebration that won't feel the same, especially since my youngest brother, norman, isn't going to be here too.. now i'm going to have two lonely thoughts. i take consolation in the thought that though they are oceans away, they are together, and together, apart from being temporarily physically absent from our family get-together, they will be with us in every way this season--as they are everyday in my heart.
actually, dramatics aside :) , they have their "sweeties" to comfort their homesickness, if at all --heheh.. and also, thanks to technology, they are just a local call away.. but i still miss my two "kuyas" soooo much.. i just hope we won't have to wait until the next year of the golden dragon to celebrate holidays together...

i must have done something right...

my smiling baby..
funny how a very tiny person, not more than one foot at that time, clearly showed me what i should do with my life, or what was left of it.. . nevermind the doubts and the anxiety felt upon confirming that indeed, i would be a mother at last... of course i realized early on--from experience-- that my immunity from problem wasn't that great and of course i was scared of bringing another person, with far less immunity than i to a lot of things or-- so i thought-- into a very complex world that even i, a grown up, have trouble understanding. sure i prepped myself up by reading pregnancy books, parents' magazines, family-oriented how-to's and talking to "stable" parents-- the works-- but nothing prepared me for the bliss of seeing a tiny human being coming out of my own body, all slimy and wrinkled, innocent, crying for dear life.. needing me.. depending on me, telling me in not so many 'grown-up words' what i should do with the two greatest gifts that i have.. my life and that tiny person who i was afraid to even touch for the fear of hurting "it"... beautiful.... simply beautiful... that very mminute, i thought that in all that i've been through.. all these years....i must have done something right...